one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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