porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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