Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize