i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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