went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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