i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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