When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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