I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
