I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
