I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
