so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
