OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize