she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
