do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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