I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
two words...techno handjob
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
