so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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