Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
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