those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize