I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I could make wine with my vomit
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
