@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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