I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
