I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm like, not good at living.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
