It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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