If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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