actually, I'm a sock model
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize