he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
