you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
