He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
