i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
