God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
