After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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