Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
