Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
