guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
