stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize