he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My vagina just clenched in fear
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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