I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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