hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
