TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
