Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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