OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
