____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
