Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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