We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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