My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
