I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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