hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I've blown a few things in my day
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
