my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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