There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
