I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm going to jail i love you
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
