I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize