i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
