bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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