im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize