Everything about him screamed your future.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
