Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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