I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
