and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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