there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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