I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
