I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
please don't ironically join a cult
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