my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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