We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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