ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
