Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Come on in and take your pants off
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