i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
