There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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