i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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