If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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