we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
