there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
