my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
