it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize