My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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