1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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