You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
