You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
