i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
