I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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